For anyone who has ever used an excuse to explain away a poor performance or disappointing result, consider this ancient parable.
A wise man and a fool go for a walk in the park. After a while, they sit down and talk for an hour. Who learns the most: the wise man or the fool?
At first, the answer seems obvious. The fool must learn more because the wise man already knows so much. His conversation and thought process is rich, deep, and insightful. The fool, by contrast, has little of value to offer.
But is that really true?
Could it actually be the wise man who learns the most?
The wise man became wise because he knows how to learn. The fool remains a fool because he has not. The school of life has been equally available to both, but only one has been able to absorb its lessons.
How does this relate to tennis players and the very common phenomenon of making excuses to explain away losses or poor performances?
When I was working as a tennis coach, I had many Sunday evening and Monday morning conversations with tournament players describing the ups and downs of their weekend matches. Regardless of whether they won or lost, I always ended with the same question: What did you learn from that match?
It was remarkable how often players dismissed the question because they did not understand its importance. They were so focused on results, rankings, and points that they forgot why they had entered the tournament in the first place.
Players who understand that they have not yet “arrived,” regardless of age or level, and who genuinely want to improve, cannot go to tournaments simply to win. Winning alone is not enough for a committed student of the game. For these players, tournaments are not an end in themselves, but part of the learning process. This is true for world-ranked professionals, juniors just beginning to compete, as well all tournament or league players, regardless of level, age or gender.
In reality, both winning and losing can spark improvement. The wise person learns from every situation. For many players, adversity encourages reflection, while winning can conceal all kinds of weaknesses. Don’t allow that to happen!
Matches are signposts. They show you what you need to work on in practice if you want to improve. They reveal, if you are wise enough to see it, which parts of your game need attention. To benefit from this process, you must be brutally honest with yourself, which is not easy, especially for those with fragile egos.
That said, honesty is not the same as self-deprecation. I am not suggesting that you beat yourself up or fall into despair because your game has weaknesses. There must be no judgment. Loving yourself, no matter what, is non-negotiable. What matters most is simple, unemotional observation.
Excuses make you blind. They protect the ego and relieve the immediate pain, but they also prevent growth. If you blame a loss on bad calls, the weather, your strings, your racket, lack of match play, or simply “not feeling great,” then you learn nothing about yourself or your game that will help you improve.
A word of warning to one and all, especially those who feel they never make excuses: very few players are honest or aware enough to detect the subtle ways the ego uses to protect itself. The point is that any excuse, even those that are justified do not help you improve, so even if the excuse is 90% valid, your growth lies in the 10% that is not, so focus on that!
A very small shift is all it takes to learn the lessons available from our experiences. We just need to choose growth over the temporary comfort that excuses provide. If we are able to do that, we too can move from foolishness towards wisdom!
Enjoy the journey.